Would The Real Christian Grey Please Stand Up?

Britain has been a very wet place recently, with people from Lands End to John O' Groats complaining about the dreary atmosphere and constant moisture. Many people are complaining about the bastards in their Range Rovers, who obviously use their 2 tonne wrecking ball-type cars as over sized bullets to target poor little foxes. Others blame the industrialists who spew hundreds of tonnes of CO2 directly into the lungs of babies, and force them to smoke ALL the cigarettes. And of course there is the few who blame the oil consuming countries for warming their homes and creating an infrastructure, all the while melting the polar ice caps and sending the world into a storm of problems. I have a different view however. I blame 50 Shades of Grey for all the wetness we are experiencing at the moment.

For the very few of you who might not be aware of what this is, let me sum this up in about 2 lines:
Man meets virgin girl. Man seduces virgin girl. Has lots of S&M sex to music. He is a businessman, she is a college graduate. Extend over 3 books.

Essentially, if this happened in real life, he'd be a media bastard, a typical man who should be shunned and blamed for corrupting the youth, and abusing her. Because it's fiction, he's a wonderfully brooding man, beautiful inside and out who teaches her how to love (albeit his warped way). So why have the women of the country gone so crazy for what can only be described as a graphic soiree masquerading as a fan fiction novel? Quite simple actually: Women want a man to be dominant, and tell them what to do. It appears exciting, being dominated and told exactly what they need to do, and why. Don't get me wrong, I'm very supportive of strong women, and women's rights, but don't kid yourselves when women are sat at their desks all day contributing to the moisture in the office fantasising about Grey.

In fact, I want to know if you find the character I am about to describe as attractive. Would you date him if you met him?

"I was sat on the train when I first caught a glimpse of the stranger opposite me, and when our eyes met my heart skipped a beat. His steel blue eyes were the first thing I noticed, like two lochs on a spring morning they seemed to go on forever, like they were peering into me as I peered into them. Behind his rimmed glasses they seemed almost caged, yearning to be free to scan the world for themselves. His hair was ear length, slightly wavy and the colour of a young deer, he'd occasionally have to brush it from those eyes with a slow but deliberate movement, tracing a path from his eyes down to his cheek. He smiled at me, his eyes crinkling a little as he did so, and I found myself smiling back, catching myself before I knew what I was doing. His smile was infectious....

"We walked beside the river, being guided by the moonlight on our homeward journey, but heart getting stronger as we neared his apartment. I looked across at the man I had got to know over these weeks, his face illuminated in the moons light, almost with a mystical quality as the light caressed and danced over his delicate features. I had no idea he was an executive, his down to earth nature belayed that, and his giving spirit he showed when he bought that little boy a drink would make a mockery of all of my preconceived stereotypes. Strange to think a man with such a bad start to life would be as gentle as he. Orphaned at such a young age, forced into a home, bullied by contemporaries and ostracized for being different he rose to prominence in his field of law on the back of hard work. The flame I saw burning within him burned not with anger and a desire for revenge as it had done for years, but simply burned with a peace and desire to change the world and the lives of those within it."


So what makes him so attractive? He ticks all the typical checklists of what women want in a fictional man.
1 - He's damaged, so you can fix him and he'll love you forever.
2 - He's a billionaire. Showering you with gifts, not too bad eh.
3 - He is a giver, and likes to please a woman.
4 - He's warped and thus BAD.

The holy 4 things a fictional man should be? Why not, sounds good right? Until you realise who else could be categorized by that list...
- Batman
- Mr Burns
- Richie Rich
- Forrest Gump
- Mr Monopoly
- Iron Man

 I don't know about you, but as a response I am going to get on the tube tonight with a copy of Playboy and sit reading it. I don't mind reading erotica, at least I'm open about it.