Music today is a never ending minefield of material so shockingly bad it makes me ill, intertwined with lyrics so profoundly out there that even Freddie Mercury couldn't have thought them up on one of his "trips" while balls deep in a man.
Now it's no surprise to a great many of you reading this that I am considered by both my University group and those friends I spend time with at home, to be likened to an old man. My music tastes are what you'd call "retro" and my opinion of the younger generation today is simply so low you'd struggle to find even a Jamaican to limbo under it. But the fact of the matter is simply this...Even the music being produced by some terrible artists today has the backing from "younger hipsters" to be banned.
An example I'd love to give, and therefore shall, is Lady GaGa. Here is a woman who is talented, there is no denying that, and yet she feels she has to sing about "bluffing her muffins with a love glue gunning." What the hell is a love glue?! And how the hell do you bluff a muffin?! The only answer I can come up with to those questions is that love glue is spunk and bluffing a muffin is covering up some hideous mark or disease on a body which resembles a muffin...In essence then, what I've proved is that Lady GaGa is a man as she is bluffing her muffin (she has a penis) and likes to go gunning her love glue all over the place. I read once that she was the female version of Shakespeare. I dread to think that in 500 years our descendants won't be trying to find the intricate subplots in Julius Caesar and A Midsummer Nights Dream, but will be trying to decypher and find hidden meaning to Telephone and Love Game.
Another example are the men of music today, as you have two kinds. One set are made up of initials, sounds and "-izzles" and inncessentaly talk about their never ending quest to get into the pants of the opposite sex. Flo-Rida, J-Z, 2Pac, Biggie, Ice Cube, 50 Cent, just to name a few. The songs produced by the majority of these "artists" are simply hideous to actually listen to. Of course, the majority of their audience are too idiotic to actually decypher the meaning of the words in a sentence as it's said too fast, and therefore like the the beat and when they hear the word "ho". Or they're too whacked out on cough syrup and crack. The lyrical prowess of this stuff also astounds me. The rappers talk about "shawties, popping caps, apple bottom jeans and gettin low on mah bitch." I can only understand, then, that they're talking about midgets, hats, jeans and limbo contests. Standard
The other side to the man in music is the other end of the spectrum. The Maroon 5. The James Blunt. The Daniel Morrison. I speak of course, of the pussy. The man who strums a guitar, pulls his testicles back up inside him and begins to cry as he strums about the love he'll never know because he never spoke to her, but even though she was sat next to him on a busy train with a fat man on the otherside of him sweating over him, he knows she was the one. I mean COME ON, GROW SOME BALLS! Or pull the ones you have from inside you, jeeez. If you want to feel depressed and emotional then listen to these, but I warn you, listen to the whole album and you'll end up face down on the beach somewhere.
Oh no, I've forgotten other bands! Like Panic at the Disco and "that lot." No, of course I haven't. This new "screamo" phase of bands I don't really consider music.
No comments:
Post a Comment